the lonely hearts club

Yesterday at my grandma's:

Mom: So, have any plans for Valentine's Day?

Me: Oh, thanks for asking your ever-single daughter about her plans for a lover's holiday. I think I'll just go to some dive of a bar and do whatever guy happens to try to pick me up. I probably won't even know his name—OK maybe I'll find out his first name so that I can scream it while he's going down on me. (Since we all know I would never in a bazillion years do such things nor would I say such things to my mother, here's what actually happened: I rolled my eyes, "Mooom, thanks sooo much for asking and pointing out my singleness... I'm going to have dinner with friends.)

A minute later my dad changed topics: So, how's work?

Thankfully, my grandma did not bring up her desire for great-grandbabies.

If they could just stay off the topics of my love life and work, I'd spend more than just Sundays with them.


So tonight's the third annual Valentine's Day Dinner of The Lonely Hearts Club. (Really, Big-Bold-D, when you chose the name, did you have pick one that make us sound so pitiful?) We'll be a nice gathering of good friends, good food (remember to salt the potatoes this time), and good fun.

I feel like I need to make some deep statement about love or about contentment with sinlgehood or something that the commercialization of a holiday.

Here it is: I'm trying to send an e-birthday card and Hallmark's Web site is out of commission. Hallmark, you made this holiday what it is. Fix your mess, and let me send my birthday card.

Oh, I have another: The day feels a little sad when the only Valentine you get is from your grandma. I sometimes wish I were back in elementary school. Everyone got a Valentine from everyone. I could be the biggest loser and still feel the love.

i've seen the light, hallelujah

Just got out of a meeting with my boss. Usually it's a rundown of what I'm doing to change some random fault that I've picked or she's picked. And then we pick apart for the umpteenth time some mistake I made months ago.
I'd been bucking her self-help suggestions. I thought she could at least consider me a valuable worker if she could see I was doing my job well. Well, she can see that I'm doing my job well, but that doesn't matter when I lack other skills. Skills that I then had to discover what they were. So, I stopped bucking and got lassoed into self-help land.

Me: So I've picked my three skills to work: calmness, communication, and time management.
Her: Those are three good skills to improve upon. (She writes them down on a little white pad of paper and then looks up at me to continue.)
Me: So I thought I'd start with at the beginning. I'm reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. (She writes and nods.) Taking lots of notes. (Nod.) And I've decided to join Toastmasters.
Her: Wow! That's fabulous. (She goes on about what a great step I'm taking and so on. She underlines my name on her little white pad of paper. She smiles at me.)

We continue chatting. She has no negative comments. She brings up none of my embarrassing past. We talk about a co-workers coming baby and what we'll crochet or knit for the baby.

So, I guess I have a date this weekend with Stephen Covey. And next week I can discuss with my boss a paradigm shift or something involving other big, repurposed words.

Recipe to my boss' good side: Always be positive. Never bring up any difficulty you may be having. Always look like your trying to become something with the help of a book or audio set. (Achieving the goal isn't important; how you look trying to achieve the goal is all that matters. So when you no longer look good trying to achieve a particular goal, switch goals.)