what part of "no" don't i understand?

In 2002, I was told I was great, but I was rejected.
In 2005, I was told I would have been perfect, but told I was too late.
In 2007, I was told I would be wonderful, but told I wasn't experienced.
In 2008, I was told I was impressive, but apparently, not the right fit.

All four rejections came from the same person.

In 2002, I was told it was a sure thing. It wasn't, and I was crushed.
In 2005, I missed my opportunity because my head was somewhere else.
In 2007, I was rejected early, but then the rejecter had to settle for less.
In 2008, I came in expecting little given the history, yet confident in my abilities.

My only thought: Her loss.

schrödinger's cat

So last night on "The Big Bang Theory" Sheldon used the paradox of Schrödinger's cat to explain the current state of Penny and Leonard's relationship as being unobserved so therfore both alive and dead at the same time. Schrödinger developed this theory to illustrate a proble in quantum mechanics.

Here are the basics from WhatIs.com:

We place a living cat into a steel chamber, along with a device containing a vial of hydrocyanic acid. There is, in the chamber, a very small amount of a radioactive substance. If even a single atom of the substance decays during the test period, a relay mechanism will trip a hammer, which will, in turn, break the vial and kill the cat. The observer cannot know whether or not an atom of the substance has decayed, and consequently, cannot know whether the vial has been broken, the hydrocyanic acid released, and the cat killed. Since we cannot know, the cat is both dead and alive according to quantum law, in a superposition of states. It is only when we break open the box and learn the condition of the cat that the superposition is lost, and the cat becomes one or the other (dead or alive). This situation is sometimes called quantum indeterminacy or the observer's paradox: the observation or measurement itself affects an outcome, so that the outcome as such does not exist unless the measurement is made. (That is, there is no single outcome unless it is observed.)

So why am I going on about this? I think we all keep things closed up in boxes. As long as it's in the box, there is no outcome. Until we open the box, we have the safety of knowing that our dream might be alive. We also live with the stress and fear that it might be dead. But we hesitate to open the box. As long as the box stays closed, we don't have to confront the possiblility of death.

The don't act because I fear the result of my action will be failure instead of success. As long as I don't act, failure is kept at bay and success is still a possibility.

I don't ask because I fear the truth may be contrary to my desired answer. As long as I don't ask, my favorable outcome still exists as a possiblity--though it doesn't truly change the answer.

I have a life full of metaphorically boxed up cats. It's time to open up the boxes and see which ones are alive and scratching.

regarding this and that

This week I found myself in a reflective mode for two conflicting purposes. On one hand, I was considering the trouble spots in my life, what I want to focus on changing. On the other hand, I was trying to highlight my best assets and accomplishments for someone whom I had not had contact with in several years.

The old me, the new me, the troubled me, the successful me, the sick me, the pessimist me, the hopeful me, the bad me, the good me, the up me, the down me, the friendly me, the cranky me, all came crashing together. The combined total is the me in progress.

I've been frustrated, down and a bit reclusive lately. I've been overworked and stressed out. And you'd think all of this introspection would only serve to magnify this. Refreshingly, the opposite has occurred.

I found out that my past might present a stumbling block for my future. And nothing about what was frustrating me or getting me down has changed. But woke up this morning and realize that I've changed. The control is out of my hands, so there is no point to worrying. I will take the opportunities that come and make the best of them and not waste my time fretting over how things could be if X, Y and Z happened or didn't happen or happened differently.

So the me in progress is currently thinking: That was then, and this is now. That resulted in this, but that is no more. This is what stands in its place, and this is good.