what's awkward

So, here's the story: I applied for a job on a magazine I respect with a head editor I'd be honored to work for. I was a top contender for the job, but they chose to go with someone else, someone outside of the company.

Today, I got an e-mail from one of the people I'd interviewed with. He let me know that the new person would be starting today and that he hoped I would welcome her and that he hoped that there would be any awkwardness.

I was offended at the suggestion at first. I'm a professional, and I understand the complexities that go into hiring someone.

Was I qualified for the position? Yes. Would I have been good in the position? Yes. Did they like me? Yes. Would it have been good for them to have selected an internal candidate rather than someone from the outside? Yes. But most important, do I trust them to hire the best person? Yes.

And it's this last point that's important. I would be insulted if they hired someone with less experience, which, for some reason that's beyond me is becoming a trend. On some staffs it is nearly impossible to get a promotion (like on mine). On other staffs, they've ignored the job hierarchy, and hire new graduates in at a level it took most of us several years in the field to reach. Now, there are a few magazines that actually hire the best fit and then promote the person as he or she grows in the position. It's this final type of publication I'm trying my damnedest to get on at.

OK, but back to the awkward. I know awkward when it comes to jobs and hiring.

When I was an intern at my first publishing company, the top two contenders for a full-time gig were myself and a fellow intern. I interviewed and then left to backpack around Europe. I got the job, and returned to find the other intern still working there. She did eventually find herself a job at another company, but, boy, was that awkward.

Later, I experienced the other side of awkward. I didn't think I was yet qualified for a higher position, so I hadn't applied for a job opening at my company. The person they hired was a former intern at the company who had much, much less experience than I. Another entry-level co-worker and I were dumbfounded. We'd worked hard for years at the same company and hadn't received the recognition for that work. Now that was awkward.

I soon left that company. Though, I can't say I've gotten much further. And I'm still watching other people get promoted and pass me. That is awkward.

Going and talking to my current boss about this fact is more than awkward, it's down-right scary. My boss is not known for being a friendly, nice guy. But I've been plodding along, going through the correct channels and biding my time for too long.

I can't avoid the awkwardness. In fact, part of the problem is that I've been avoiding the awkwardness that would come from trying--and then succeeding at--getting what I want.

Now, I'm off to do something very awkward. And, no, it's not introducing myself to the new girl. I've already done that, and she seems very nice.