i got lucky

I got a new job, at a time when many others -- including many at my old company -- are loosing theirs.

I'd become stressed, frazzled and stuck. It was time to move forward, but I saw no satisfactory path before me.

And then, at the very moment I felt the situation around me at work falling apart, I got a phone call. It was from a big company with its headquarters downtown. They were looking for a web editor and had found my resume online. The next week included two interviews with them, as well as one at my current job. The following Monday came more news on how my department would be reorganized and amazingly, surprisingly a job offer from the downtown company.

I've been at my new job two weeks now, and I'm still adjusting. I'm adjusting to the commute downtown, new surrounding, frequent meetings, getting recognition for my work, the natural light that streams in through the windows next to my desk, not knowing how things work, having a paycheck that allows me to buy a new pair of shoes (or four), having job security, being away from the familiar, a new industry and being happy.

This last one surprised me the most. I had not realized how unhappy and stressed I was. I had allowed my frustrations at work to bleed into all other aspects of my life. It had drained me. Now, I feel revived, and I see all the opportunities to connect with family and friends that I've been missing out on -- either because I was too drained to participate or because I couldn't get out of my funk to fully participate.

So, I'm here, I'm happy, and I'm looking forward to tomorrow.

what's awkward

So, here's the story: I applied for a job on a magazine I respect with a head editor I'd be honored to work for. I was a top contender for the job, but they chose to go with someone else, someone outside of the company.

Today, I got an e-mail from one of the people I'd interviewed with. He let me know that the new person would be starting today and that he hoped I would welcome her and that he hoped that there would be any awkwardness.

I was offended at the suggestion at first. I'm a professional, and I understand the complexities that go into hiring someone.

Was I qualified for the position? Yes. Would I have been good in the position? Yes. Did they like me? Yes. Would it have been good for them to have selected an internal candidate rather than someone from the outside? Yes. But most important, do I trust them to hire the best person? Yes.

And it's this last point that's important. I would be insulted if they hired someone with less experience, which, for some reason that's beyond me is becoming a trend. On some staffs it is nearly impossible to get a promotion (like on mine). On other staffs, they've ignored the job hierarchy, and hire new graduates in at a level it took most of us several years in the field to reach. Now, there are a few magazines that actually hire the best fit and then promote the person as he or she grows in the position. It's this final type of publication I'm trying my damnedest to get on at.

OK, but back to the awkward. I know awkward when it comes to jobs and hiring.

When I was an intern at my first publishing company, the top two contenders for a full-time gig were myself and a fellow intern. I interviewed and then left to backpack around Europe. I got the job, and returned to find the other intern still working there. She did eventually find herself a job at another company, but, boy, was that awkward.

Later, I experienced the other side of awkward. I didn't think I was yet qualified for a higher position, so I hadn't applied for a job opening at my company. The person they hired was a former intern at the company who had much, much less experience than I. Another entry-level co-worker and I were dumbfounded. We'd worked hard for years at the same company and hadn't received the recognition for that work. Now that was awkward.

I soon left that company. Though, I can't say I've gotten much further. And I'm still watching other people get promoted and pass me. That is awkward.

Going and talking to my current boss about this fact is more than awkward, it's down-right scary. My boss is not known for being a friendly, nice guy. But I've been plodding along, going through the correct channels and biding my time for too long.

I can't avoid the awkwardness. In fact, part of the problem is that I've been avoiding the awkwardness that would come from trying--and then succeeding at--getting what I want.

Now, I'm off to do something very awkward. And, no, it's not introducing myself to the new girl. I've already done that, and she seems very nice.

lacking nourishment

Last month, my boss yelled at me in staff meeting (so not my fault, but that is a different story). And my co-workers commiserated with me and were my allies.

Today, my boss can't stop singing my praises (and doing so a little too publicly). And my co-workers have never been more annoyed with my existence.

Work life sucks both ways.

A note to my co-workers: I'm just trying to get ahead, and so are you. I'd like for us all to do this together, and support each other. But we can't do that, can we? Instead of carving up the meal and eating together, we're fighting over the scraps and hoarding them away in our rat-hole cubicles, where they rot and mold. We smile prettily to each other and then talk dirty behind each others back and craft plots to steal what someone else possesses. When one of us starts to pull ahead we grab on to their heals and pull them back. (And I'm part of the scavenging, hoarding, rotting mess. I'm not clean . I'm not proud. I just want to call a truce and end this mess.)

I need a more wholesome diet. I'm getting sick here.

and i smile

OK, to catch everyone up kcprogrammer and I are engaged. And everyone wants the story. Here goes:

Tuesday was the third anniversary of our first date. We had dinner at a wonderful little Italian restaurant in the French Quarter that had been recommended to us by a travel guide. After dinner, we went for a walk through Jackson Square and past the St. Louis Cathedral. And then we strolled out onto the levee. Then with the French Quarter on one side of us and the Mississippi River on the other, kcprogrammer said that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. That's when he got down on one knee.

Here I'll interject a little side note: I'd been waffling on the whole engagement ring issue, so I knew that he hadn't bought one, and therefore I did not expect the proposal. OK, now back to him being on bended knee: He asked me to marry him and presented me with a temporary ring that he'd made by folding a $20 bill. I was overcome with emotion--as well as being impressed by his inventiveness and apparent talent at folding paper money.

And I find it difficult to accurately relay the experience. There is a difference between being in the moment and then telling the story of the moment that happened. The story never does proper justice to the moment. But that's how it should be. Otherwise, why would we ever live in the moment when we could just live off of stories.

so close

Sometimes I'm a better friend to people than at other times. Over the weekend, I was overly attentive in some areas and ghastly inattentive in others. It's always the latter that hangs over one's head.

staying relevant

My mind is always filled with the next set of problems that I need to find solutions to. Then, once those are taken care of, I gather up new problems to replace them.

So, when people talk to me, I talk about what I'm thinking about, which is usually the problem that's taken over my thoughts. I really must be a downer of a person to talk to, always complaining, always troubled, always trying to figure out how to solve the problem du jour.

Lately, of course, the issue currently enveloping me is that I've very unhappy with my job. There is no future for me where I am. And I'm uncertain as to where I need to focus my efforts to make sure that I survive what I believe to be a massive restructuring of print media in the years to come.

And as I look at the future for my boss, my dad, my uncle—all long timers at their companies, all unsure as to whether their companies will recognize and honor their decades of service or kick them to the curb with few employment options for men nearing the age of retirement—I'm reminded that we are in a new employment age where no one is safe.

You are a cost center. Make sure you keep up your skills and abilities so you can prove you're a cost worth keeping. And try to horde some money away, because you do not have job security. How are you going to make sure you are relevant in your career when you are 55? It tires me just thinking about it.

leaving, again

So I'm off early tomorrow morning for hot, hot Houston. My cousin is getting married, and I'm taking three days off of work to join in the festivities. (And considering the current foul mood my boss has been in, I'll be glad to be away.)

facing a new reality

Life is change; I get that. The industry I work in is changing rapidly. Aspects of my personal life are changing even more rapidly.

There is a difference between knowing that change will happen and taking those changes head on.

After discussions that I've had recently, I realized that I am not equipped for the future of my profession. The ship I'm on is sinking, as are those around me. Before that happens, I need to get a life raft. Practicing my swimming wouldn't hurt either.

this is the week

This could, quite possibly, be one of the most important, stress-filled weeks of my life.

There was a weekend of shopping and preparing. Thanks to Kat and AH for their assistance acquiring the last-minute essentials.

There is today's meeting. I woke up at 3am after having a series of very odd dreams involving my failure to make an important element for the meeting work. Thanks to my roomie for straightening my hair.

There is the cold that came to visit me last week and hasn't gotten the hint that it's time to move on to new pastures. Just when I'm needing to be my most professional, I'm stuck with a cold that invloves sniffling and sneezing.

There is the big banquet. Me present the awards? Ahh! Oh, right, I'm the one who assigned myself that task. Good going... I'm guessing more sleepless nights to come for me before this event. If it fails, it's all my fault. No pressure.

There is the two-day conference. I hope the sessions I'm helping to coordinate don't suck. I hope I can introduce a speaker without becoming a bumbling mess. I hope I can dig up some freelance work.

There is book club. Yay! A break from it all.

There is the freelance project due at week's end. I only need to find 10 hours of freetime and I'll be golden...

Oh and then there's the pesky little thing of my day job, and needing to get my to take care of five days of work in only two.

I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. (I hope repeating this works in real life like it did for The Little Engine That Could.)

going, going, gone to orlando

I'm off to the great, hot land that is Orlando. My grandmother lived in Florida for many years, so the land of oranges and theme parks is old hat to me. And I was there last year. So why go back? Well, this time I'm going with kcprogrammer and his family. It will be the first time his mom and sisters have ever boarded a plane. It will be, I believe, their first family vacation. And I get to be part of it, and that, in my opinion, is what will truly make this trip a visit to the happiest place on earth.