my friend

You've heard my ramblings on friendships before, so I won't repeat it here … or I'll try to tackle it from another direction at least. (Yes, LizaLou, these thoughts are in response to you.)

Few, I think, stay really close to their high-school friends. I'm truly close with only one of mine; the others I see from time to time, but that's really only because my roommate writes them. Quite simply, I don't make the effort because I feel we've drifted into our separate lives. Still, I'm glad my roommate arranges a social visit from time to time. It's just surprising, considering how reserved she is and how social I am.

But I'm not surprised that I'm not close with most of my high school and college friends. We were but social friends. Our closeness was developed from time together and activities. So once the time evaporated and the activities faded, there was little to keep us connected.

Now, I think it's because they never knew me, and I never knew them. Yes, I was the gregarious, out-spoken, sometimes mindless me that you know. But I kept a great deal hidden; I was afraid of their disapproval. They too, kept themselves hidden from me.

The friends that I have now who will be my friends in twenty year's time are the ones who accept me as I am. It's not about the time we spend together or what we do as much as we simply enjoy each other.

There's a huge difference between being social friends and being truly bonded to one another, though you might not be able to tell at the time. My measuring tools: Do I hesitate to speak my thoughts or make a move because he or she may disapprove of me? And does it seem like they hold back with me? If the answer to either of these is yes, then it's a social friendship. But most close friendships must begin as social ones. I hate that. I stink at social friendships.

Those bonded friendships are treasures. Neither of us is required to share our innermost thoughts, but we know that we can say or do anything and sill be completely loved and accepted and welcome.