reason no. 472 to quit my job

Time to fill out your self-evaluation. Remember, if you don't answer these asinine questions and sign your name in blood, you won't get your crappy 2 percent raise.

1. List significant goals and achievements that you accomplished in 2004.

I finally found the guts to apply for a new job

2. Describe the behaviors you have exhibited in establishing, reaching, and exceeding business goals and making a positive contribution to the success of your department and the company. How can you improve next year?

I'm doing all that I can do, but that will never be enough, and I'll never be rewarded or recognized for my efforts.

3. Describe your success in establishing positive relationships with customers and anticipating, meeting, and exceeding their needs and expectations? Customers may either be internal or external.

They love me! The advisory board members and authors I work with rave about me. And I answer every single reader question that comes into this place no matter how inane.

4. Describe the techniques that you use to stay positive and "solutions" oriented. If you have a tendency to focus more on “the problem” without taking ownership for the outcome, what can you do to improve?

This is most definitely a trick question. My answer will either confirm my incompetence or that I'm a liar.

5. What are your strengths and weaknesses in terms of communication, adaptability, flexibility, time management, and technical business skills?

My boss thinks I'm a fuckup. What more do you need?

6. What positive or negative attributes do you exhibit in taking responsibility for continuous improvement, admitting and resolving mistakes, and honoring commitments? What could you do differently?

So far, my only response has looked like a big fat turd.

7. Suggest two 2004 business related or professional developmental goals for yourself that would either enhance your business knowledge/skills or directly contribute to the success of your department or the company.

A raise would do wonders and maybe a little appreciation. I'd be a much better worker with them.

8. Add any additional information that may be beneficial to your manager in completing your 2004 performance appraisal.

Ugh.