Yesterday I told my boss that I didn't feel like much of an editor anymore. So little of what I do seems to involve editing lately and even less is the intensive, down-and-dirty editing that I love.
Her answer: It only gets worse.
Yes, yes, I know this, but that's not my point. My problem isn't that I have lots of clerical, filing, and organizational work. It's that I don't feel like an editor; I feel like a glorified office assistant, and that's boring. I want to feel inspired. I want to feel connected. I want to feel something other than boredom. I want an editorial challenge.
I want to be happy at work.
I want to be happy away from work.
I want to go out for drinks with my co-workers this evening and not spend two hours bitching about work. I want to laugh over funny stories and debate the silly and pointless.
I want to be open to life. I hide; I know it. I like the safety of the old. The new may be better, but the old is safe. I keep safe; I avoid new.
- theCallowQueen
- In the down-hill tumble of life, I'm okay with the scratches and bruises; it's the broken bones that I'm trying to avoid.
2 comments:
It's just a job. I used to stress myself out about it; wondering why I wasn't feeling challenged or satisfied, waiting, hoping, wanting it to get better.
And then I realized I didn't need all of that from my job - I just need to be able to tolerate it. I just need my job to give me the time, resources, and the energy to allow me to find myself and to find satisfaction.
Just my two cents...
Your two cents is most welcome. (I'll add it to my meager salary.) And you're right. But perhaps I'm afraid that if I stop stressing over my job, I'll have to actually pursue that quest to self-fulfillment.
In the past, it was easier to wallow in what I couldn't change. That's growing harder. Wallowing doesn't hold the comfort it once did. (Yes, I know how sick that sounds.) And when I challenge myself to expand my horizons outside of work, I find nice spots of contentment and happiness. Why can it seem so hard for me to do what would make me happier?
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