I wonder if I would be as disappointed had I found this out a month ago.
I wouldn't have spent the energy to investigate and measure.
I wouldn't have lost all that sleep.
I wouldn't have reworked my finances time and a gain, perfecting, balancing, aligning.
I wouldn't have traveled the up and down emotional roller coaster from the highs of being told that this is almost assured to happen to the many wrenches to the many versions of the plan.
I wouldn't have the knowledge and self-assurance.
Yes, I'm disappointed, but I feel more confident about myself. I realized that I could handle the responsibilities that come with owning a home.
Yes, I suspected that I could take on the challenge. But I've always allowed myself to hide behind any hint of immaturity to avoid facing my adulthood. This experience flooded my field of view with light, eliminating the looming shadows created by the remnants of irresponsibility and leaving few places for hiding.
And now I wonder why it was that I was hiding.
Through this process, I have better defined what I want for myself. It may take me longer than I'd like to get there. But with my newly acquired understanding of myself, I can now work on another needed personality trait: patience.
A quartet of quotes on disappointment:
Hope tells a flattering tale,
Delusive, vain, and hollow.
Ah! let not hope prevail,
Lest disappointment follow
—Miss Wrother
Disappointment is a sort of bankruptcy—the bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and expectation.
—Eric Hoffer
Disappointment, when it involves neither shame nor loss, is as good as success; for it supplies as many images to the mind, and as many topics to the tongue.
—Samuel Johnson
Disappointment proves that expectations were mistaken.
—Mason Cooley
3 comments:
I'm sorry you didn't get the house, but it seems like maybe with all the problems, it's for the best. This way you can pick from any number of places that may suit you better. --at
I'm sorry you didn't get the house, but agree that this frees you from any family guilt as well as lets you pick out the house of your dreams--no strings attached. This just makes you a stronger Queen, too. =-)
I'm sorry it fell through! What an ordeal! But, I wonder if it isn't better in the end considering all the downsides... Oh well. It's true that good has come out of it though since it was such a learning experience, and that's what life's all about. At least now you've got all that hell involved in learning about buying a house out of the way! ;)
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