i quit my job

Wednesday
My boss: You were right last week when you said our meetings were getting off course. But this still isn't working. So I've written up a new performance evaluation. We have three weeks to resolve this.
Me: So, if I can't do this in three weeks, you will fire me.
My boss: Yes. We’ve been meeting for six months. I can’t let this continue any longer.
Me: (long pause of shocked silence)

The Performance Improvement Plan:
• Present well-though-through ideas and solutions articulately.
• Save your battles for editorial issues that truly influence the overall quality of the publication.
• Demonstrate the ability to identify and solve problems quickly.

The translation:
• Clearly articulate solutions to problems that have just been presented to you without time to prepare. Only offer ideas that the boss wants to hear and in a manner that she wants to hear them. Ideas will not be accepted if presented with enthusiasm or eagerness.
• Don't have an opinion. And most important, don't have an opinion that conflicts with the boss'.
• The boss needed a third item and this sounded good to her.
• The fourth, hidden requirement: Be someone other than yourself. Don't be so good at your job. Don't have a personality. Wait, it doesn't matter. At the end of three weeks the boss will fire you because it's easier to do than for the boss to deal with her own limitations at communication.

A lesson: If your boss schedules a meeting for 4:30, it's not good. Bosses schedule meetings for late in the day if they have bad news. That way you won't disrupt your co-workers when you leave after being told you're going to be fired.

Thursday
Me: Is this really a list you created for me to accomplish these things, or is the truth that this just isn't going to work out?
My boss: I don't know. But I've very concerned about our ability to communicate with each other. Your great. And I'd probably love you if you worked with [another department in the office], but this just isn't working.

So I'm pissed and frustrated—and worried. I need to find a job, any job. Three weeks isn't enough time to find a good job. What am I going to do? How could she do this? She can't say I'm not good at my work. I'm excellent at it. I'm loved here. I have great relationships with everyone but her. But my relationship with her is the one that matters. So I'm headed for the chopping block. And I have a trip planned in May. My friend's coming from Singapore to visit and I won't have any money to do any of the things we planned. And I won't have any money period. I have rent. I can't move back home. ARGH!

My cell phone rings.
Me: Hello?
The voice: Hi, this is [the HR woman] at [the one place you've applied for a job at].
Me: (shocked pause) Hi! It's good to hear from you. (I scuttle into an empty office so my cubicle mates don't hear my conversation.)
HR woman: Is now an OK time for us to talk?
Me: Sure. (Crap, her voice dropped. I didn't get the job.)
HR woman: Well I have good news. (Pause) We'd like to offer you the position.
Me: Wow, I'm honored.

A lesson: Go where you'll be appreciated. Don't waste your talents.

I've gotten more complements from my soon-to-be employer than I've gotten from my current boss in the past three years. My work and skill is evident to those who are open to looking. My old boss wasn't open. She wouldn't keep me as a poorly paid assistant editor. My new employer is ecstatic to have me as an decently paid associate editor.

I'm sad because I know what I'm leaving. I work for a wonderful publication--a publication that’s better for me having worked on it. I'm excited because I know that I'm bringing these talents to a new publication, who's managing editor seems genuinely excited by what I have to offer. Oh, yeah, and I'm excited by that big paycheck I'll be getting, too.

I got a new job.
I got a new job!