wired

Jack wired sml5701
Originally uploaded by oblivia24.

I'd prepared myself to be a week without a handful of my dear friends as they soaked up Japanese culture. But then this morning I was greeted with this picture. My thanks to Big-Bold-D's mom for posting this picture on Flickr.

I think about the idea of being wired. I'm about to start a new job at a techie magazine that has much to do with wires and gadgetry. And I'm a bit wired up.

So I'm excited, I'm nervous, and I'm trying to keep myself from thinking about all of the what ifs.

I worry (perhaps worry isn't the right word) that I get wired up too easily. I sometimes feel that I allow my emotions to be flung from one extreme to the other by action happening to or around me.

I love the feeling of being fully dedicated to something. I love the way my brain rushes to think, to plan, to improve. When my mind starts whirling like that I feel truly of use. I'm on the brink of thinking up the perfect solution where all of the troublesome pieces bend to my will and settle into harmonious positions.

The problem is that everything else fades to the background—or even further from my vision or memory. And the people involved become like pieces of the puzzle, too, for me to find their places and move them to fit. Maybe I'm being a bit harsh on myself here.

I keep hearing that I shouldn't listen to all the criticism my boss has flung at me. Most don't agree with her; I understand. But I can't ignore her points. I may consider her delivery of my deficits of character distasteful. I may consider her final conclusion of those shortfallings more extreme than necessary. But she didn't pull these out of thin air. I gave her the kernels of the problems that she built these deficits around.

It's the kernel that I want to address. I don't want what's happened here to happen at my next job or with a friend or family member. I want them to know that I think about them. I value them. I want the best for them. And I want to understand them.