[my name here]

Whenever someone leaves, the person's boss sends out an e-mail with just the person's name in the subject line. With just a name, we all know what the e-mail will contain before we open it. I never thought about my name being the subject line of an e-mail. But, this morning, it, of course, was.

From: myboss@mywork.com
Date: Tue, 29 Mar 2005 17:38:17 -0600
To: allmyco-workers@mywork.com
Subject: [theCallowQueen]

Hi everyone,

I’m sorry to say that [theCallowQueen] is leaving us to pursue a terrific opportunity as the Associate Editor at [my new magazine], a [company a few main streets way's] book. Of course, we’ll miss her unbounded spirit and creative editorial mind.

Her last day will be April 8. Please join us in wishing her well.

[theCallowQueen's boss]

These e-mails always start out "I'm sorry to say that..." But, let's face it, if the boss really was sorry to see someone go, he or she wouldn't let that person go. The boss would beg his or her boss to figure out a way to keep the employee.

But my boss really isn't sorry to see me go. (My fellow co-workers are sorry to see me go. And the majority, who don't know the details of my leaving, are very surprised.) But my boss is sorry that she's failed, not in keeping me, but in not getting rid of me sooner. If I had know or understood that no matter how great I was and no matter how many ideas I brought to the table to improve this magazine that it would all be for nothing, I would have left ages ago.

So I'm sorry I stayed. I'm sorry I allowed myself to stagnate here. I'm sorry I put myself through the unnecessary stress. I'm sorry to be leaving all of these good friends. I'm sorry to be leaving work I've enjoyed. I'm not sorry for being me. I'm not sorry that I possess an "unbounded spirit" and a "creative editorial mind." (She says this as if they're positives, but really they're the reason she's glad I'm leaving.)

She's sorry. And I'm proud of myself.