Yesterday, I went jeans shopping for the first time in years. And I mean years. I bought two pairs of jeans when I was in Singapore a few years ago. Other than that, I have a vague memory of buying jeans in high school. Now, I remember why.
Women, you know the options.
combine
sits at waist
sits below waist
low rise
ultra low rise
with
boot cut
tapered
flare
straight
with
tall
medium
short
with
your size
and you get a pair of jeans that is baggy in the butt or gappy in the back at the waist or some variation of not attractive.
There are more possible options, but my mind hurts thinking about them. I didn’t even get into the whole relaxed and skinny fit issue. The combinations are mind boggling, though I’m sure Big-Bold-D could whip them up for us in a few seconds.
I think I tried most of the combinations yesterday. And I came to this conclusion: I hate jeans. I mean, the idea of them is nice, but finding a pair that fits that idea is gosh darn impossible.
Here’s why: the jeans manufacturers’ combination of fits isn’t right they are taking into consideration two important elements (waist and ass). Here's how I think we ladies should be able to pick jeans:
combine
pudgy pooch
standard waist
mini middle
with
huge hips
standard hips
hipless
with
big ass
standard butt
flat, little bum
with
weekend relaxing/I feel fat today
crisp, can wear with a button down shirt to work/looks great in boots
date/make an ex jealous/I feel sexy today
I can see your underwear line/whore
with
tall
medium
short
with
your size
Let’s see, I’d want a pudgy pooch, standard hips, flat, little bum, crisp, can wear with at button down shirt to work/looks great in boots fit in a short. And even if they did carry a pair that fits all those details, I'd still have to try to find a pair in my size. You know, skirts are very nice.
- theCallowQueen
- In the down-hill tumble of life, I'm okay with the scratches and bruises; it's the broken bones that I'm trying to avoid.
3 comments:
That's why I love stretch jeans. (At the "Just cinch it!" store.) They provide just the right amount of give during the day to actually better fit my weirdo figure. =) But yes, you always look quite nice in skirts!
I can SO sympathize! I'll go with: mini middle/ standard hips/ big ass and crisp please!
Now you know why I was willing to pay $140 the last time I bought jeans! They were the only ones that fit... God bless Banana Republic.
In response to Kat--I used to love stretch jeans, but they are DANGEROUS. Far to easy to eat that extra piece of cheese cake or a few more nachos without worrying that your jeans won't fit. The problem is that stretch jeans are always tight, it seems. So, they show all of your shape very well, no matter how comfortable you are--including the parts you would rather keep hidden. So, though I might have fully agreed with you a year or two ago, now I'm paying for all those extra pieces of cheesecake and nachos...
But I totally empathize, callowqueen. We discussed my gaping in the back problem. When you find a pair of jeans that fit you think, "No, this can't be right. Do they actually look good on me?" and then you wear them until they fall apart (or rip in the butt while you're in screenprinting class, as happened to me). Jeans shopping sucks. But, I'm also of the opinion that most clothes shopping sucks. Blah
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